thing 8: gratitude

I was gonna write about gratitude some time ago.  I think most people would agree, living with a grateful heart makes you a happier person.
I don't know many grateful people who are pessimists.

Question is, how do you become grateful?

When I thought about gratitude in the past, I never really got over that question.  Yes, you can be like Polyanna and play the "glad game".  You can get into the practice of counting blessings instead of sheep as you go to bed.
If you have the will and persistence to do these things, then I think you probably will hit on real gratitude.

But more often, my attempts in become grateful end up being fake.  I'm doing it because I have to.  Oh yes, I'm grateful for green m&ms.  Yep.  The fact that green m&ms exist is going to lift my spirit and make me glad to be alive today.  Oh, and I'm also grateful for things I already have, and will probably still have tomorrow.  Food, clothing, shelter, etc.  Yeah, they could go in a natural disaster.  That's not a likely outcome though.
Trying to be grateful that I have things which I know other people don't have (basic human necessities, and more) generally just brings my thinking into pity.  I pity people that don't have what I have.  I'm not more grateful for having these things.

Truth is, gratitude comes most naturally out of suffering and need.  Gratitude comes when someone sees your misery, and reaches in to pull you out of it.

An example:  recently I stayed at my sister's house.  It was pretty hot, humid weather and I'm not used to that.  After about 30 mins in the spare room (trying not to keep my two friends awake), I dragged my duvet into the lounge to see if I could sleep there.  I had horrible sinuses at the time, and felt like I was being boiled alive.
I couldn't figure out how to turn the air conditioning on, and I really didn't want to wake anyone up to ask.  So I lay there, feeling helpless and a little angry.  Wondering if anyone else was feeling like I was.  Wondering if I should have taken a tent.  Thinking dark thoughts.

My sister comes in to check on me...  either she has a radar for these things, or I'm being really loud tossing and turning.  One of those ;)  In a flash, she has the air conditioning going, and has magically produced a fan for the other room.  She gets extra pillows for me to keep my head up, and even fishes out a nose spray to clear my sinuses which, incidentally, had been blocked for days.

It's hard to describe what it's like, lying in bed feeling more comfortable than you have for a long time, and thinking about how miserable you were just 15 minutes earlier.  I have been comfortable many times in my life, but it seems that it's only when I have recently been suffering that I can truly appreciate the comfort.  I was so grateful to my big sis, and there was no room in my head for anything except that feeling.  I slept like a log that night.

I'm not sure what the moral of the story is here.  Should we seek out suffering and avoid comfort?  I'm not sure that's a good plan, although I do think there is such a thing as too much comfort.  We definitely don't need everything we desire.

But maybe another way forward is to attempt to inspire gratitude in other people.  Notice suffering, and alleviate it when you can.  At the very least, acknowledge the suffering.  I think deep down, our biggest need when we suffer is for people to recognise and acknowledge our suffering.
Expressing kindness seems to have a similarly positive effect on the mind and heart as gratitude does, as long as it's offered without arrogance.  And though I dunno if I believe in "karma", I do notice that what goes around comes around.  Kindness today might well bring gratitude tomorrow.